Answer 2

Dear Mr. X

Thank you for you letter. Unfortunately, your issue is extremely common. You would be surprised to learn that even people who seem to be outgoing and confident may really be shy inside.

Self confidence is something most of us work on our entire lives. It has roots in early childhood and stems from the way we perceived ourselves and the way other people perceived us during our formative years.

Since you don't mention your background in your letter, please consider it. Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What was your relationship with your parents?

2. What was your family life like?

3. What were your early experiences like in term of school, athletics, social life?

4. How do you feel about your appearance?

5. Do you have any skills or abilities you feel proud of?

6. Did your parents have a loving relationship?

7. Do you have a close relationship with your siblings, if any?

After you examine these questions, you may gain some insight in terms of why you have these self doubts.

In addition, instead of taking things so seriously, look at your contacts with young women as fun occasions where you can get to know an interesting person, not as do or die situations which will test your attractiveness. Try not to worry how well you are coming across...instead, focus on whether or not she is someone worth your while and if she is an interesting and fun companion.

Third, and I hate to sound so clich� but it's really true, if you have any consuming interests or hobbies, people tend to have more in common under those circumstances.

I think it is important to see yourself as a smart, fun and interesting young man who likes life and is sincerely interested in others...Until you gain some more experience with girls to build your confidence, just concentrate on networking, making new friends of both sexes, and basically enjoying your life. Eventually, the confidence will come so don't let a few bad experiences get you down. Everybody gets rejected occasionally. All that means is that someone better is coming.

If this problem persists or seems to be getting worse, you can definitely talk to a professional. Even a few sessions can work wonders.

Good luck to you. You can deal with this. Lots of people have worries about themselves in relationship to the opposite sex and the only way to handle this is to keep putting yourself out there.

If you give in to fear, it just makes things worse over time.

Please keep me posted and thanks for writing.